update.

Hey guys, sorry about yet another long period of time between posts, I sure am good at it huh. I guess things have been a little off for me lately, I'm finding it pretty hard to be inspired about anything, let alone my poor blog.

Was sort of adamant about never posting super personal stuff on here, like me whinging, but I do owe you a reason for my disappearances.

Just having a bit of trouble coping with life in general lately. Bit melodramatic, but that's just me. Uni's coming to an end soon, and I've been stressing about my major work which basically just...isn't what I imagined it to be. I've let myself down basically, I know I could have tried a lot harder but I just, couldnt. You know? I've felt so stuck, and so un-inspired, it's just something you can't force out. I have such great research for my work, and I love my idea, but as far as my actual photos go...very underwhelming, and it makes me super disappointed in myself.

So there's that. And then there's my lack of funds. I quit my job at the start of the year to focus on uni, and I've eaten through my savings like no ones business, and now no one seems to want to give me a job. Which makes me feel pretty pathetic for starters, and now I'm stressing as to how I am going to afford Christmas, and then my holiday to Tasmania over New Years where I'm going to Falls Festival. I hate worrying about money, and I hate how quickly it disappears.

Another thing that I can't seem to get off my mind is uhh, the future. I'm graduating soon, with a BA Fine Arts. I loved my degree (mostly) and I don't regret it exactly, but I suddenly wish I chose something with a bit more direction. I don't know what to do after uni. I don't want to become an artist, I'm not cut out for that. I need stability. I don't even know if photography is my future, we have such a love/hate relationship! Sometimes I wish I studied film. I'd love to get into cinematography, I really would. And my photography degree is somewhat related but doesn't really qualify me. And the film industry is incredibly hard to get into, and I have zero contacts.

I always see/hear about people who just...fall into amazing jobs, or just get out there and achieve amazing things, and love what they do. I sometimes wonder if that will ever happen to me. I don't know how to help myself, because I don't know where I want to be. Does that make sense?

Anyway, sorry about the word vomit. It's kind of nice to just...write it all down. I haven't exactly informed anyone of this, you know, in the 'real world'. Not seriously anyway. I don't know why, I guess I'm a little embarrassed. And I hate whinging.

Kudos to you if you got through that, I didn't actually intend to write so much!

On a happy note though, I did get my drivers license last week. Yes, I am nearly 22yrs old and until now, was license-less. I had good reasons though. It's so freeing being able to drive, I'm loving it (and shitting myself simultaneously).

Hope you guys are great, and again, I'm sorry for the absence. Have a fabulous weekend!